Why do people get married?

IMG_20150626_211017I was having a conversation with some people the other day about the Supreme Court’s decision on gay marriage.  Naturally, there were those that pulled the “It’s not right, it’s wrong, the Bible says so” line and I tried to get them to elaborate more on why they opposed gay marriage they disappeared from the chat.  People who oppose gay marriage are quick to throw that line.  It seems to be a difficult concept for everyone to respect each other. Just because one person doesn’t believe in the same thing the immediate reaction seems to be condemn them from society.  My friend Blake posted a message on Facebook yesterday that I thought was just PERFECT and I wanted to share it with you:

“Look people, reality check. My timeline is littered with political diatribe over this same sex ruling and in the spirit of fair-play allow me a moment to explain my point of view. I’m a man of faith and I’m also not perfect, and as such I do not judge (God’s job, not mine ) Despite my disagreement with today’s judgement I don’t hate nor do I wish any ill-will towards anyone. Furthermore, it is my right (as much as it is yours) to believe in traditional marriage (man and woman). Media and Progressivism would have people believe that to have an opinion that differs from anyone else’s is blasphemy and that those people should be ostracized. It is my firm belief that nothing is further from the truth, and that , if anything it’s our differences and varying points of view that allow us to learn from one-another. Moving forward, if today’s judgement makes lives for others easier , than I’m not beyond saying that, I’m happy for you. However, let’s remember that as many people who are wanting to preach equality, that courtesy extends to all, not just those who support your argument.” – Blake

It seems like many people have so much passion in opposing gay marriage; and many gay people have such great passion in defending it.  After reading various articles; it’s hard to ignore the hateful comments. Can’t we just be OK to respect one another’s opinion? At the end of the day this ruling by the Supreme Court, who is it hurting?  What I’m wondering is with gay marriage being allowed in all 50 states now – how will this affect the divorce rate?  Will it increase? Will it decrease?  I think regardless of your sexual orientation it is important that you don’t take marriage lightly. Marriage is a choice.  Both people involved in the marriage must have mutual understanding that they are devoting themselves to one another.  Unfortunately, people give up when it gets hard or when it gets hard they remain together but do not take the time to iron out the problems.

What about divorce?
My question is, why aren’t more Christians against divorce?  If you feel so strongly against gay marriage why aren’t you as passionate about divorce? Why are you not standing outside courthouse with your signs protesting a couple getting a divorce when the divorce is by mutual agreement that they simply don’t love each other enough to stay together?

“But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.” Matthew 5:32

Now I’ve been actively reading the Bible myself.  Right now I wouldn’t describe myself as very religious but I like the idea of being in a position where if I was going to reference the Bible I want to be able to do so accurately.  I’m not going to lie it’s been difficult but I’m getting through the text.  I’ve heard that the Bible is not meant to be read alone but I want to try.  I’m not as much interested in hearing others’ interpretation of the text – I want to attempt to read it for what it is and find my own truth.  Anyway, back to the topic at hand… why do people get married?

So we can go with the obvious reasons
– You really love each other
– You can’t stand the thought of ever being without your significant other
– You don’t want other people to try and take your partner away and marriage solidifies your union
– It is the obvious next step to your relationship; you’ve been together long enough
– You want to have children (or maybe you both agree not to have any children).
– Your family would be so happy

Then there are the unspoken reasons
– They are really good in bed (or I imagine they are very good in bed for those that don’t believe in sex before marriage)
– They are financially responsible (I don’t have to worry about them)
– I want someone to find me if in case I die after falling in bathtub or something.

But seriously, why do people get married?  Perhaps it’s the ‘forever’ commitment to each other and somehow announcing it front of a witness(es) makes it all the more real.  It’s a great reason to get both families together and announce that you’re married now so please excuse us if we can’t visit as often. It makes tax time so much easier.

I say… if any of these are/were your reasons then GREAT.  It’s ok.  Your reasons to get married are between you and your partner. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or their opinion about marriage.  They are speaking from what they’ve experienced and/or what they’ve heard.  I say, look at your relationship and yours alone don’t base your relationship on anyone else or their views.  You know why? Because expectations happen; and expectations are disastrous in a marriage when both people are not on the same page.

Marry each other or don’t marry each other but for the sake of your happiness TALK TO EACH OTHER.  Get on the same page about your relationship and make your relationship PRIORITY.  Even before money/finances and even before children; put each other first.  When you don’t, when you let other details get in between you and your significant other that is when the questions start happening: “Do I still love you?” “Do you still love me?”  “Is this even worth it?”  Squash the doubts and every day say and prove that you love each other.

I don’t know if you guys know this already but everyone receives/gives love differently.  Most of the time we “show” how much we love another person by how we’d like to receive love but that shouldn’t be the case. It should be our mission to find out how our partner wants to be loved.

IMG_20150626_212049
The 5 Love Languages

  1. Words of affirmation: compliments or words of encouragement
  2. Quality time: their partner’s undivided attention
  3. Receiving gifts: symbols of love, like flowers or chocolates
  4. Acts of service: setting the table, walking the dog, or doing other small jobs
  5. Physical touch: having sex, holding hands, kissing.

Marriage Counseling
I learned these from our couples counseling before we got married.  (Which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone considering getting married).  My results were clear that I mostly receive love through Quality Time and Physical Touch.  Jared likes to make fun of me from time to time and say “Oh yeah I have to touch you or you’ll die!” as he enthusiastically bearhugs me or throws me over his shoulder.  His results were a bit more difficult; in the test, your love languages are ranked from highest to lowest and he scored evenly on all of them. So sometimes I find myself asking “So, what is your love language today?” Anyway, seriously though if you’re planning on getting married take the class.  You’ll love it.  If you’re not already on the same page about things this class will make it clear that you need to be.  Oh yes, and if you’ve in Texas they waive $60 of the $81 fee for the marriage license.

I know I covered A LOT in this post and it was just one of those moments where I HAD a lot to say.  I would really appreciate your feedback if you agree with me and even more so if you disagree with anything that I’ve pointed out.  If you feel compelled to hit that “like” button please take a moment and tell me why you like my article. I really want to know your opinions on the matter.

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7 thoughts on “Why do people get married?

  1. I feel like if both adults are consenting, they should be allowed to marry. And if you don’t like gay marriage, nobody is making you enter a gay marriage so all the hate needs to be kept to yourself. I can’t tell you how many happy, celebratory posts I saw over the internet yesterday that were derailed by people that just couldn’t let people celebrate without blowing crap at them.
    All that being said, I don’t believe that marriage is the “obvious step” or that it “solidifies the union”. My man and I have been together for nine years and while I refer to him as my husband because there isn’t really a word except boyfriend and we’re too old for that, we’re not married and don’t really plan on it. Why do we need a piece of paper to prove we love each other? Is a piece of paper going to prevent cheating? No, absolutely not. It just makes separating all that more difficult. And I’m not worried about cheating anyway because we’re devoted.
    I’m happy that all folks get to marry now that want to, but I like the right to not be married too. You wouldn’t believe how much subtle hate we get for it: living together with a kid with no plans of marriage.
    But anyway, yeah.. those are my thoughts on the subject and really, I’m very stoked that gays are now given their basic right to marry!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank you so much for your awesome response to my post. Congratulations with being together for nine years! You’ve made some valid points about the paper. To reiterate my thoughts about marriage, it is more than just the ritual of “getting married” just because two people agree to spend their lives together doesn’t mean that they don’t have to put any more effort into their relationships. I think in ANY exclusive relationship a line of communication must be established and expectations must be disclosed to one another in order for it to be successful.

      Like

      • No problem and thanks! It’s had it’s up and downs, but we’re getting better at the communication thing and right now we’re very good 🙂 And to reiterate on my point, two people can agree to spend their lives together without getting married. 🙂
        Also, I’ve sort of changed mine mind on a previous statement since I posted it: any one of legal age, consenting and of sane mind I believe should be able to marry.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Great post. I totally agree with you. I believe that every single being who is born into this world has a right to be happy as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. So if two people love each other and wish to get married, it’s nobody’s business to try to stop them. Even if it doesn’t make sense to others. Because being gay and getting married never really hurts anyone. Smoking, drug use etc. now THAT is what hurts people and is something that needs to be stopped. Not two people who love each other and want to spend their lives committed to each other.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I agree with your post 100%. I myself was happy to see the decision made the other day about same sex marriage however there are always people coming in and making out like it’s the worst decision ever. I believe that it doesn’t matter if you are two people of the same sex or two people of different sex if you are happy and love someone then you should feel you can be with that person and be happy despite what others think as long as you are not hurting anyone. Anyone who doesn’t like your decision should just keep hurtful comments to themselves and get on with their lives rather than judge others.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think you can disagree with someone and not hate them. You and the other person just have different opinions about a particular subject. Just because the two of you disagree, that doesn’t mean you have to hate each other. Opinions are like buttholes, everybody has one. Other people may have the same opinion, but other people may have a different opinion. That’s just how I feel about the whole thing.

    Liked by 1 person

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