“Work” should not be split 50/50 in relationships

IMG_20160501_202148In our society we have been conditioned to look at things we are required to do (but don’t necessarily want to) as “work”. It’s true. Has the cat box been cleaned out? Do I want to clean it out? Eh… it needs to be. Are the dishes in the dishwasher? Do I want to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher? Eh… they need to be. Let’s face it, we have TONS of these scenarios going on in our lives but my question is… when it comes to “work” why as a society do we feel we are obligated to split the “work” 50/50?

See… in my strange-way-of-thinking mind, when I hear people say this my thought process is… let’s say a couple has 10 things that needs to be done in the household or in their relationships (with each other or not) when they expect one person to do half of the “work” how is it determined who does what half? Wouldn’t there always be one person waiting to see what the other person is going to do before pulling their own weight? What if both individuals are doing the same thing and suddenly those 10 things are just sitting there… idle?

I’m just saying… if we’re going to talk percentages… what is wrong with one person doing 70% of the “work” and the other person does the other 30% but also invests their time/funds/attention to other things that could benefit their relationship/life experience, e.g. plan vacation, weekend outing, restaurant/movie date night, etc. I think most relationships are strained when the individuals involved are just focusing on the “work” and they forget about fun/leisure the very thing that brought them together in the first place (time, attention, fun).

What if we stopped looking at relationships as a 50/50 type scenario and just focus on doing 150% of quality time/effort together? Just a thought.

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Top 10 Break Up Songs

Here is my list of the best breakup songs.  I don’t mean the sad lovey dovey type songs like Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart” or ‘N Sync’s “Gone” no I am talking about the songs that say “THANK YOU for getting out of my life” or “Oh yeah I’m doing so much better now that you’re gone” type songs.

10. We Are Never Getting Back Together – Taylor Swift

9. You Keep Me Hangin’ On – The Supremes

8. Don’t Want You Back – Backstreet Boys

7. You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette

6. The Sign – Ace of Base

5. It’s Not Right But it’s ok – Whitney Houston

4. Ain’t Worth The Whiskey – Cole Swindell

3. Cry Me a River – Justin Timberlake

2. You’ll Think of Me – Keith Urban

1. I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor

How to get over a heartbreak.

I was reading another blogger’s entry right now and they were talking about heartbreak. It had been over a year since their relationship ended but here they were still hurting.  It’s been so long for me I barely remember the feeling now.  I think that’s what we humans are great at feeling pain and forgetting it. In our minds we only have a memory after some time.

I remember thinking at the time “Wow this physically hurts. It was like literally feeling a knife piercing through your chest.  Suddenly the basic functions of everyday life were meaningless. I had no appetite for food. Comfort could only be found by clutching the pillow to my chest and crying.  Friends try to distract you but even they have to admit there really isn’t anything they can do but be there to assure you that you are not alone.

Anyone who has ever experienced heartbreak like this knows what I’m talking about…and if you don’t, some day I hope you will. I know that sounds a little harsh but it’s the truth.  I think the only way to truly appreciate REAL love is to experience heart break.

How to get over a heartbreak.
Take a shower
That’s right take a shower; and if you really feel bad, take a cold one you’d be amazed.  You’ll think that it’s crazy and you’ll wonder why you’re doing it but I assure you – that stabbing feeling in your chest? Gone.  (That is until you start thinking all over again.)

Get those endorphins flowing
Go for a walk and if that’s not enough to distract you, run.  Try to run so much that you can barely breathe and try your best to actually break a sweat.  Getting those endorphins flowing will help you feel better I promise.

Stop talking to the one who broke your heart
It’s tempting to remain in contact with your ex you shouldn’t.  Delete their contact information from your phone, your social network profiles, cut off all ties.  The sooner you can distance yourself from them the sooner you will feel better.

Focus on YOU
Set small goals for yourself like drink a cup tea every night before you go to bed every day for a week. Then when you’re up to it start thinking of goals you’d like to accomplish before the end of the year.  While you’re at it decide what goals you’d want to achieve in 5 years.

Laugh!
Whether it’s being with friends and family that always make you laugh or watch a comedy that you love.  What ever you have to do make yourself laugh. Sometimes even if you have to fake it.  Look at yourself in the mirror and just start laughing until you are doing it genuinely.

Why do people get married?

IMG_20150626_211017I was having a conversation with some people the other day about the Supreme Court’s decision on gay marriage.  Naturally, there were those that pulled the “It’s not right, it’s wrong, the Bible says so” line and I tried to get them to elaborate more on why they opposed gay marriage they disappeared from the chat.  People who oppose gay marriage are quick to throw that line.  It seems to be a difficult concept for everyone to respect each other. Just because one person doesn’t believe in the same thing the immediate reaction seems to be condemn them from society.  My friend Blake posted a message on Facebook yesterday that I thought was just PERFECT and I wanted to share it with you:

“Look people, reality check. My timeline is littered with political diatribe over this same sex ruling and in the spirit of fair-play allow me a moment to explain my point of view. I’m a man of faith and I’m also not perfect, and as such I do not judge (God’s job, not mine ) Despite my disagreement with today’s judgement I don’t hate nor do I wish any ill-will towards anyone. Furthermore, it is my right (as much as it is yours) to believe in traditional marriage (man and woman). Media and Progressivism would have people believe that to have an opinion that differs from anyone else’s is blasphemy and that those people should be ostracized. It is my firm belief that nothing is further from the truth, and that , if anything it’s our differences and varying points of view that allow us to learn from one-another. Moving forward, if today’s judgement makes lives for others easier , than I’m not beyond saying that, I’m happy for you. However, let’s remember that as many people who are wanting to preach equality, that courtesy extends to all, not just those who support your argument.” – Blake

It seems like many people have so much passion in opposing gay marriage; and many gay people have such great passion in defending it.  After reading various articles; it’s hard to ignore the hateful comments. Can’t we just be OK to respect one another’s opinion? At the end of the day this ruling by the Supreme Court, who is it hurting?  What I’m wondering is with gay marriage being allowed in all 50 states now – how will this affect the divorce rate?  Will it increase? Will it decrease?  I think regardless of your sexual orientation it is important that you don’t take marriage lightly. Marriage is a choice.  Both people involved in the marriage must have mutual understanding that they are devoting themselves to one another.  Unfortunately, people give up when it gets hard or when it gets hard they remain together but do not take the time to iron out the problems.

What about divorce?
My question is, why aren’t more Christians against divorce?  If you feel so strongly against gay marriage why aren’t you as passionate about divorce? Why are you not standing outside courthouse with your signs protesting a couple getting a divorce when the divorce is by mutual agreement that they simply don’t love each other enough to stay together?

“But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery.” Matthew 5:32

Now I’ve been actively reading the Bible myself.  Right now I wouldn’t describe myself as very religious but I like the idea of being in a position where if I was going to reference the Bible I want to be able to do so accurately.  I’m not going to lie it’s been difficult but I’m getting through the text.  I’ve heard that the Bible is not meant to be read alone but I want to try.  I’m not as much interested in hearing others’ interpretation of the text – I want to attempt to read it for what it is and find my own truth.  Anyway, back to the topic at hand… why do people get married?

So we can go with the obvious reasons
– You really love each other
– You can’t stand the thought of ever being without your significant other
– You don’t want other people to try and take your partner away and marriage solidifies your union
– It is the obvious next step to your relationship; you’ve been together long enough
– You want to have children (or maybe you both agree not to have any children).
– Your family would be so happy

Then there are the unspoken reasons
– They are really good in bed (or I imagine they are very good in bed for those that don’t believe in sex before marriage)
– They are financially responsible (I don’t have to worry about them)
– I want someone to find me if in case I die after falling in bathtub or something.

But seriously, why do people get married?  Perhaps it’s the ‘forever’ commitment to each other and somehow announcing it front of a witness(es) makes it all the more real.  It’s a great reason to get both families together and announce that you’re married now so please excuse us if we can’t visit as often. It makes tax time so much easier.

I say… if any of these are/were your reasons then GREAT.  It’s ok.  Your reasons to get married are between you and your partner. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or their opinion about marriage.  They are speaking from what they’ve experienced and/or what they’ve heard.  I say, look at your relationship and yours alone don’t base your relationship on anyone else or their views.  You know why? Because expectations happen; and expectations are disastrous in a marriage when both people are not on the same page.

Marry each other or don’t marry each other but for the sake of your happiness TALK TO EACH OTHER.  Get on the same page about your relationship and make your relationship PRIORITY.  Even before money/finances and even before children; put each other first.  When you don’t, when you let other details get in between you and your significant other that is when the questions start happening: “Do I still love you?” “Do you still love me?”  “Is this even worth it?”  Squash the doubts and every day say and prove that you love each other.

I don’t know if you guys know this already but everyone receives/gives love differently.  Most of the time we “show” how much we love another person by how we’d like to receive love but that shouldn’t be the case. It should be our mission to find out how our partner wants to be loved.

IMG_20150626_212049
The 5 Love Languages

  1. Words of affirmation: compliments or words of encouragement
  2. Quality time: their partner’s undivided attention
  3. Receiving gifts: symbols of love, like flowers or chocolates
  4. Acts of service: setting the table, walking the dog, or doing other small jobs
  5. Physical touch: having sex, holding hands, kissing.

Marriage Counseling
I learned these from our couples counseling before we got married.  (Which I HIGHLY recommend to anyone considering getting married).  My results were clear that I mostly receive love through Quality Time and Physical Touch.  Jared likes to make fun of me from time to time and say “Oh yeah I have to touch you or you’ll die!” as he enthusiastically bearhugs me or throws me over his shoulder.  His results were a bit more difficult; in the test, your love languages are ranked from highest to lowest and he scored evenly on all of them. So sometimes I find myself asking “So, what is your love language today?” Anyway, seriously though if you’re planning on getting married take the class.  You’ll love it.  If you’re not already on the same page about things this class will make it clear that you need to be.  Oh yes, and if you’ve in Texas they waive $60 of the $81 fee for the marriage license.

I know I covered A LOT in this post and it was just one of those moments where I HAD a lot to say.  I would really appreciate your feedback if you agree with me and even more so if you disagree with anything that I’ve pointed out.  If you feel compelled to hit that “like” button please take a moment and tell me why you like my article. I really want to know your opinions on the matter.

To love and to cherish – till death do us part

Today is our 2nd year anniversary – wow time has REALLY flown!  Two years ago I exchanged vows with my incredible husband.  I never knew how much closer we could become.  Yet here we are, even closer than we were before.  Relationships are not supposed to be easy.  With great communication though you can overcome any obstacle.  This year has been proof of that.  For those that wonder “how can you choose one person to stay the rest of your life with?”  When you find a partner that shares and supports your goals and personal ambitions it makes it all the more easier.  There is definitely something to be said about knowing one another’s strength and weaknesses and loving them none-the-less.  In my opinion, the key to a successful relationship is not only communication but it’s the understanding of both individuals that their marriage is a partnership; yet there is also a mutual understanding of each others’ individuality.  It’s also important to express gratitude every day.  If you can take the time every day to be thankful for your significant other and be comfortable enough to genuinely express it; it will bring both of you so much closer.

Celebration
To celebrate we took a day trip to the San Jose/Silicon Valley.  We did a quick hike at Santa Teresa and we brought the dogs with us.  We didn’t really plan it out and ended up eating shrimp and chicken wings in the car because we didn’t want to leave the dogs in the car in the hot sun.  I was so happy that there was a Boiling Crab restaurant in San Jose. Jared knows that is my favorite place. It was a bit of a challenge to eat in the car but we managed to do so without making a mess at all!

1063918_10151651558639410_2209664_oLooking back: The wedding

Two years ago both of our families and friends came together to celebrate our union as husband and wife.  We had a very casual wedding and it was my main goal to get through the day with minimal stress.  Don’t get me wrong the weeks leading up to it had its moments.  I remember I had gotten frustrated at Jared for a)not volunteering to help me with the wedding invitations and b) putting the stamps on crooked!  I had broken down and cried that night but he held me and I knew it was just the building stress that I had refrained from expressing to him.  I remember having to deal with sending out invitations and still not having an officiant in place to help us with our vows.  My maid-of-honor pulled through for me though and arranged it with her friend who had a license to be our officiant.

Our parents did all of the cooking and sorted out all of the arrangements and equipment for the reception.  My cousins really helped us out by being so amazing with setting up and cleaning up the reception hall.  Oh and my brothers oh man I am so grateful for them because they really got everything running smoothly and ensured that every one was where they were supposed to be.  I still remember them being on the phone with them after getting my hair done and they were telling me to find a way to stall because my parents hadn’t finish cooking yet and the wedding was technically supposed to start in 30 minutes.  My bridesmaids really helped me cope with that hectic part.  I remember we stopped by a Sonic and there we were sipping on our cherry-limeaids and I was doing everything in my power to ensure I did not spill a drop of that red liquid on my white dress.  It was a fantastic day and I would not change a thing about it.

10387020_10152484423013416_3553759753967092792_oFirst Year Anniversary
For our first year anniversary we celebrated by going to New Orleans.  We stayed in a beautiful room in the Bienville Hotel.  For the life of me I could not understand why there was not a single bakery in the whole French Quarter.  We got our fill on pralines though. Oh and tried some pretty fantastic food too.  Jared was a bit stressed about driving around the city but we definitely had more fun walking around after finally finding a safe place to park.  Cafe Du Monde was definitely one of the highlights of our stay there.  Delicious cafe au lait and the beignets are the two things that will bring us back to New Orleans in the future.